


It Happened At The B.H. Family Pizza and Video Game Funporium

by JudeDeluca



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics), Green Arrow (Comics), Teen Titans (Comics), Teen Titans - All Media Types, Young Justice (Cartoon), Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: Arcades, Birthday, Father-Daughter Relationship, Funny, Gen, Pizza, Uncle-Niece Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:09:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21598195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudeDeluca/pseuds/JudeDeluca
Summary: To make up for missing Thanksgiving dinner, Will and Lian drag Uncle Roy with them to the Banna-Harbera Family Pizza and Video Game Funporium. Mental scarring ensues.Takes place after 3x16, "Illusion of Control" and explains why Roy and Jim weren't at Will's house for Thanksgiving.
Relationships: Lian Harper & Clone Roy Harper | Will Harper, Lian Harper & Roy Harper, Roy Harper & Clone Roy Harper | Will Harper
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17





	It Happened At The B.H. Family Pizza and Video Game Funporium

**Author's Note:**

  * For [waitingforaflame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/waitingforaflame/gifts).



The lights. The sounds. The laughter. The smells. It was, it was…  
“God, is it legal to subject kids to these many bright lights?”  
“I think it was in the original Constitution.”  
Roy rolled his eyes as he said “Oh good. Glad to know the Founding Fathers granted us the right to give kids seizures.”  
Lian hopped up and down as she tugged at Will’s hand and asked “Daddy can I play in the ball pit firs’?”  
“Sure Sweetie, but they are NOT candy okay?” Will explained. “And play where your Uncle Roy and I can see you.”  
“Kay!” Lian ran over to where the rest of the kids were playing in the ball pit of the B.H. Family Pizza and Video Game Funporium.  
“And do NOT try to eat them!” Will reminded her.  
“You see Johnny?” A woman said as she walked by with what appeared to be a five year old boy with a swollen, crusty face. “There’s a little girl who listened to HER parents.”  
“Uh camf fee muh ffush,” the boy moaned.  
“Yikes,” Roy eyed the kid and his mom before asking Roy “Why did I have to be here again?”  
“Whaaat?” Will slung his arm around Roy’s shoulders and asked “You mean to tell me you didn’t want to come to the Banna-Harbera Family Pizza and Video Game Funporium? Fun for ages 2 to 200.”  
“You know I genuinely liked you better when you were a train wreck,” Roy pried Will’s hands off his shoulder. “Wait. Banna-Harbera? Don’t you mean Hann-?”  
“Yeah, Banna-Harbera,” Will emphasized, “Creator of all our favorite cartoons from childhood.”  
Roy began muttering “What favorites I’d remember if I had favorites is this more Light brainwashing-”  
Will pointed to the far wall of the large eatery/arcade, where they kept displays of the most famous B.H. cartoons. “See, they’re all there. They’ve got the Cosmics, Anthro’s Angel Squad, the Neanderstones, Selina and the Kittykats, the Creepniks, and even the Fabulous Four and Wallyroo.”  
“No seriously I literally do not remember any of these-Wallyroo?”  
Roy narrowed his eyes at the last display, which featured a group of four teenagers and a dog being chased by a guy in a ghost costume. Roy AND Will couldn’t help but notice the shaggy redhead with the backwards baseball cap looked disturbingly familiar, as did the ginger colored dog in his arms. The dog just happened to have a red bandanna with a lightning bolt tied around his neck.  
Roy and Will both looked at each other to see they had a shared expression of unease.  
“Can we not sit over here?” Roy asked.  
“Y-yeah let’s find a table over by the window,” Will answered as he hurried his brother along before they took a better glance at the other three characters.  
“That wasn’t just me that was legit creepy right?” Roy asked.  
“That was uncomfortable and I have no idea why,” Will admitted. “Lian! We’re gonna sit by the windows okay?”  
Lian waved back to her dad before she continued to play.  
“So explain to me again why I had to be here?” Roy continued to ask.  
“Can’t my daughter and I spend some time with her favorite little uncle just because we want to?” Will replied, busting out a pained puppy dog expression. Roy cringed.  
“No. No you literally cannot because you’re biologically incapable of not having an ulterior motive.”  
“Well this is what you get for missing Thanksgiving,” Will reminded him of Roy’s absence at the Harper Thanksgiving meal a couple of weeks ago.  
“Jim didn’t go and you didn’t drag him down here,” Roy mentioned.  
“That’s because Jim was volunteering at a soup kitchen,” Will added, “While I know YOU settled for pizza after you got in a fight with that freaking raccoon you’re so obsessed with.”  
“I AM NOT-,” Roy looked around, realized some people noticed him shouting and made an effort to dial the volume down. “That raccoon keeps invading my stake out spots when I’m on the job.”  
“Still, Lian was very unhappy you didn’t show up you know she adores you,” Will put out there.  
“I heard there was a lot for everyone to be unhappy about,” Roy replied, and Will drew in a sharp breath remembering the awkwardness when Helga Jace blurted how Artemis was back in the hero game. It caused a big argument between Artemis and her mother Paula and ended in an uncomfortable discussion Will didn’t want to think about.  
“Anyway,” Will coughed, “Jim also didn’t want to come because this place freaks him out. He’s scared of the animatronics.”  
“Really-oh damn,” Roy’s eyes widened when he turned to the stage where a bunch of animatronics done up as cartoon characters were performing. “Yeah I kind of get that.”  
“Jim’s exact words were ‘They are monsters and they probably come to life at night looking for souls to feed on and the fact you bring your daughter there makes me fear for both of you,’” Will mimicked Jim’s voice as he recounted his other brother’s feelings. “Violet didn’t want to come because she’s scared of them too and refused to join us unless Dr. Jace was here. Between you and me that woman makes my skin crawl.”  
“What about Art or the Markovian kids, Brian and Tara?” Roy turned his gaze to the employees dressed in full costume who were getting manhandled by hyper toddlers.  
“Art had a paper and said the cheese smell is noxious,” Will explained, ”Also, BRION and Tara aren’t allowed in here after what happened last time.”  
“Last time?”  
“Yeah, Brion’s the reason why I reminded Lian about the ball pit. BUT,” Will held up a hand to silence Roy, “In Brion’s defense, Tara dared him and he didn’t know any better.”  
“You’re really earning ‘Father of the Year,’ old man.”  
“Can we eat now Daddy?” Lian asked as she ran up to Will and Roy and threw herself into her dad’s arms.  
“Hey pumpkin,” Will laughed, “Sure, lemme just flag down a waiter.”  
A waitress dressed as some cartoon cat appeared and offered the Harpers menus to look at. Well, Roy and Will perused their options while Lian used the complimentary crayons and worked on a drawing of her Aunt Mouse.  
“Can we get a pitcher of pink lemonade for me and this cutie to share?” Will ordered and ruffled Lian’s hair (which got a giggle out of her), “And we’ll have the deluxe pie to eat.”  
“And for you?” The waitress asked Roy.  
“I’m not really seeing any alcoholic options on your drink menu,” Roy observed. “You think I can at least get an ‘Adult’ lemonade if you know what I mean?”  
“Oh isn’t he cute?” Will teased as Roy grimaced, “He wants to be a big boy like Daddy and have a Big Boy drink. He’ll have a regular Soder Cola.”  
“Adorable,” the waitress laughed, “But unfortunately son, we don’t serve alcoholic beverages here at the Banna-Harbera Family Pizza and Video Game Funporium.”  
“They make you say the whole name every time, don’t they?” Roy dryly asked.  
“Company policy,” she replied in seriousness.  
“That’s cool, and as a follow-up question, how’re those student loans going?”  
Any enthusiasm the waitress had left evaporated as she yanked away Roy’s menu and said “I’ll be back with your drinks.”  
Will couldn’t help but lecture Roy on that bit of rudeness as he said “Roy for God’s sake you don’t have to be a jerk to the staff.”  
“Hey they’re the ones who thought getting a bachelor’s in history was a good idea,” Roy smirked.  
“What’s student loans?” Lian parroted.  
“Something Daddy’s gonna make sure you never have to worry about, kiddo,” Will assured her.  
As they waited for the food, Will joined Lian in coloring and they had to coerce Roy into helping them. The waitress arrived with the drinks first and Roy wondered his soda tasted funny. They were later served a large deluxe pepperoni pizza which garnered a couple of snide remarks about Will’s dad bod from Roy.  
“Well this explains how you got fat,” Roy muttered when Will started on a third slice.  
Will glared at his brother and replied “I had a long day I earned this.”  
“This and diabetes.”  
Lian harrumphed and told Uncle Roy to stop teasing her dad’s belly, and Roy actually relented when Lian looked genuinely hurt.  
After finishing off their pizza, Roy, Will and Lian adjourned to the video arcade section of the fun center.  
“Nothing better for digestion then a good dose of epilepsy,” Roy quipped in regards to all the flashing screens and lights.  
“And here I thought you were a video game gourmet, li’l bro,” Will playfully teased Roy’s lack of enthusiasm.  
“What’s eplepsee?” Lian asked.  
“I’ll tell you later sweetie,” Will answered, “C’mon, let’s get some after dinner exercise.”  
“God knows you need it,” Roy muttered under his breath as he poked Will’s side. Roy paid for that last remark when Will demolished him in a round of “Justice 9.” Will was then slaughtered in two rounds of the shooting game called “The Ant Farm.” They were both only slightly disturbed by Lian’s enthusiasm for the carnage on the screen. Will subconsciously heard the voice of Lian’s mom saying “It’s genetic.”  
Will and Lian tried playing a round of “Round Dance Revolution” together. He danced like a dork and tried to sing along with the Japanese lyrics. Lian tripped a couple of times but giggled as she did. Their score was low but neither of them cared and were both laughing by the end of it.  
Roy pretended not to know them, but he couldn’t help but smile a bit at what dorks they were.  
They moved on to the skeeball alley. Lian could only play with one of the smaller game stands.  
“You have to remember to roll the ball up the ramp, Lian,” Will gently demonstrated by rolling the ball up the ramp into one of the point circles. “It’s all in the wrist.”  
“Pfft, if you wanna do it the dumb way,” Roy answered as he threw the ball at one of the higher point circles.  
Will disapproved and said “Roy, that’s cheating.”  
Roy rolled his eyes as he answered “No one cares, Will,” and threw another ball. “You get more tickets this way.”  
“Yay!” Lian clapped as the machine buzzed and more strands of tickets emerged.  
“Now Lian,” Will started, “What your uncle’s doing is wrong because he has an unfair advantage. You wanna do it the right way like your dad, or cheat like your Uncle Roy?”  
She immediately answered “Cheat.”  
Roy smiled.  
Lian smiled.  
Will pouted.  
Roy continued to pitch the balls while Will insisted on scoring points the way the game was designed for, while Lian cheered her uncle on and he scored higher points. Eventually, one of the Funporium “Funployees” dressed in a full body costume saw what Roy was doing and intervened.  
“Hey there, Slugger!” They were dressed as an anthropomorphic gorilla and slung one of their heavy arms around Roy’s shoulders. “We all wanna have a good time at the Banna-Harbera Family Pizza and Video Game Funporium, but it’s important to play by the rules so everyone can have fun!”  
Roy stared at the employee for a moment before he smirked and responded “Four years of art school and you’re selling hats on Bitsy because this job doesn’t pay enough and you don’t wanna move back in with I’m guessing your divorced dad.”  
The employee’s shoulders slumped and they removed their arm, slowly walking away and muttering “It was five.”  
“Roy. Seriously,” Will shook his head, “That’s not funny.”  
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the sound of all these tickets I’ve won,” Roy replied as he hoisted up dozens of tickets from the skeeball machine.  
Will frowned, but as soon as Roy turned his back he started to smile before asking “Roy keep an eye on Lian, I gotta use the bathroom.”  
“Yeah yeah,” Roy replied, “Lian hold your Uncle’s tickets.”  
“Excuse me?” Will bristled.  
Roy took an involuntary back when he heard THAT tone in Will’s voice. “Uh, I mean, PLEASE hold my tickets Lian.”  
“Kay,” Lian gladly held up the strings of tickets in her little arms.  
“Damn straight please,” Will said under his breath as he walked off in a direction that did not actually lead to the bathroom. Not that Roy had noticed. He led Lian over to the prize stand.  
“So Lian, what do you think we should get?” Roy asked as he plopped the strands and strands of tickets on the glass counter.  
“GUESS WHAT FUNTENDEES?” The loudspeakers in the restaurant suddenly came to life and squawked “IT TURNS OUT WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL BIRTHDAY TO CELEBRATE FOR A VERY SPECIAL BOY!”  
“Yay!” Lian clapped alongside many of the younger kids while Roy guffawed.  
“Oh geez, what are they gonna to do this-wait,” Roy’s amusement suddenly vanished when he felt a chill run down his spine. Where was Will? “Lian where’s your dad-“  
“LET’S HERE IT FOR ROY, WHO’S TURNING TEN TODAY!”  
“TEN?!” Roy shouted as a spotlight shone on the angry 20-something and everyone clapped.  
“Unca Roy I didn’t know if was your birfday!” Lian gasped. “I didn’t get you anything!”  
“No Lian it-“  
“LET’S BRING THE BIRTHDAY BOY ON TO THE STAGE FOR HIS BIRTHDAY SERENADE!”  
Suddenly Roy was dragged onto stage by several costumed employees and placed in a chair in the middle of the animatronic singers. Despite his protests they managed to get a garish “BIRTHDAY BOY” crown on his head. Near the prize stand, Roy saw Will pick up Lian in his arms. Will turned to Roy and smirked as he casually waved in Roy’s directions, making Roy scream “You goddamn son of a-“  
“Hello little boy and/or girl or both!” A dog animatronic dressed as a hillbilly screeched to life and turned its soulless black eyes in the direction Roy’s face. “I heard today is the day you were born. How old are you today?”  
“It’s not my-“  
“My goodness, you’re practically a lady! Well me and the band have a special birthday song for you today! Hit it fellas!”  
The hideous animatronics hissed and came to life as they started screaming “OHHHHHH IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY TODAY ON YOUR BIRTHDAY AND ON YOUR BIRTHDAY YOU GET TO BE THE BIRTHDAY BOOOOOOOOOOY!!!!!”  
…they went on like that for TWENTY MINUTES.  
Roy was led out to the parking lot, looking as though the life had been drained from him and suffering from some hearing loss. He had a balloon with the word “BIRHTDAY” spelled on it in one hand, a paper plate with a piece of cake in the other.  
“So it’s really not Unca Roy’s birthday?” Lian asked as she followed her dad and uncle to the car.  
“No sweetie, Daddy was just messing with Unca Roy because he kept being mean to the funny animal people,” Will finished explaining to Lian.  
“And he’s not ten?” Lian asked.  
“Nah, that was me busting his chops,” Will assured her. “Oh and look what I got with my tickets. Isn’t he cute?” Will held up a stuffed Peter Penguin doll complete with monocle and umbrella.  
“Eeeee,” Lian gasped, “Thank you daddy I love penguins!”  
“You?” Will asked. “Who said I got this for you?”  
“Daddy you’re too old for toys!” Lian stomped her foot.  
“Nonsense!” Will nuzzled the stuffed doll to his cheek. “Daddies need something to cuddle late at night too. And I’m gonna love him and squeeze him and name him ‘Bill.’”  
“Daddy!”  
Lian started chasing Will around the car to try and get the toy while Roy continued to stand in front of the car.  
“What’s wrong with Unca Roy?” Lian finally noticed.  
“His life’s just flashing before his eyes,” Will explained. “Hey birthday boy, you gonna share that cake or what?”  
Roy threw it in Will’s face.

**Author's Note:**

> Been trying to complete this for months.
> 
> All the Hanna-Barbera references are meant to imply the versions of the cartoons happened with pastiches of DC characters, such as the Scooby and Shaggy characters that freak out the Harpers implied to be Multiverse counterparts of Roy and Wally West.


End file.
